So I was reading in the February Ensign in an article titled The Refining Fire of Grief and it made me think of my own journey in dealing with my grief. Two and a half years ago my mother passed away from lung cancer. It was a difficult experience for my family. Each of my brothers and sister and their families felt the loss in different ways. Though I was glad she didn't have to suffer anymore, her absence has been a very difficult and frustrating trial for me.
For the most part I have dealt with my grief by talking through it with a good friend, but there are times, especially when I am alone, that I feel it very poingnantly. I miss my mom a lot and when I focus on the things I won't have her here for it makes the loss more difficult. There are even times when I cry, simply because I wish I could call her and tell her what is happening in my life.
It is during these difficult times that I have worked to try and draw closer to my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ, for I know it is through them that I will gain strength and an understanding of their plan for me. It wasn't in my plan to have my mother absent from some of the most important events in my life. I wanted her at my wedding, when I had my first child, for plays and productions, to see my sons go on missions, but now that wouldn't be possible.
Each time I feel these angry rants building up I try to remember that even though she isn't here physically she is always with me in spirit. Sometimes this isn't as comforting as I want it to be, but it always helps. In the last three years I have had many struggles with this, but I also know that through it I am becoming a stronger daughter of God. I have developed a closer relationship with my dad and siblings. I have been inspired to write and even though she won't physically read my books I know she has been a part of each and every one.
After reading this article I can see that I have been going through a refining fire and I will continue to go through it with each passing day, week, month, and year. We all grieve, whether it is for a lost loved one or simply lost chances. Grief is the way we show our love for others and for the gospel and our Savior. Even though I miss my mom deeply, I know if I do my part I will be with her again and we will have joy together.